


Because It Was With You

by R_Armchair



Category: Final Fantasy XIII Series, Lightning Returns: Final Fantasy XIII
Genre: Angst, Bittersweet, Demisexuality, F/M, Introspection, Menstrual Sex, Menstruation, Oral Sex, Persistence, Podfic & Podficced Works, Podfic Length: 30-45 Minutes, Post-Canon, Self-Acceptance, Shower Sex, showering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-15
Updated: 2018-08-15
Packaged: 2019-06-27 14:52:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15687639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/R_Armchair/pseuds/R_Armchair
Summary: Hope is reborn.  But some of Bhunivelze's tweaks have left permanent changes in his wants and needs.  He reflects on his situation.





	Because It Was With You

**Author's Note:**

> If listening is your thing, feel free to listen to the podfic here  
> [Mp3 on Dropbox](https://www.dropbox.com/s/11snamtb6kwj9lu/BIWWY-R-Armchair.mp3?dl=0)
> 
> In an effort to try new things, expand my horizons, etc. this was supposed to be a "plot, what plot?" kind of story. Instead it developed into something odd. *shrugs*  
> Lesson learned, porn is best left to the professionals.

The doorbell chimed, and Hope sleepily opened it.

“I would like you to fuck me,” Lightning said, zero fluctuation in her voice.

If she had sounded desperate, perhaps he might have responded differently.

“No.”

He closed the door and locked the deadbolt.

The next morning Hope awoke in his bed to the smell of coffee.  He regretted that everyone had exchanged keys once they had settled into the new world.  Snow had insisted that if an emergency were to arise, he’d want to be able to alert everyone.  Perhaps keys would be useful in the event of a techno-apocalypse, but Hope doubted that were plausible.  He wandered into the kitchen and found Lightning sitting at the counter.

“Fuck me.” She sipped at her drink. “Please.”

“No.”  He opened the fridge.  “You drank the rest of my creamer didn’t you?  Go home.”

“After we’ve had sex.”

“I’ll just drink the nasty shit at work.  You better be gone when I get home tonight.”

* * *

 

Precisely at 7:15, like every work day, Hope pulled into his driveway.  All of the lights were on in his house.  Clearly Lightning had not left.

“If you say ‘fuck me’ one more time, I’m moving and getting a guard dog.”

The table was laid out, and he could smell something cooking.  It initially smelled delicious until the smoke alarm engaged.  It wasn’t that the steak had burnt, just that the grease had been abundant and slopped all over the stove.  Lightning began opening windows while he fanned the alarm with a towel he swiped from the bathroom.

“I was trying to,” she began to say once the alarm calmed.

“Seduce me?”  He moved his briefcase from where he’d thrown it during the commotion.

“No.  Make up for pissing you off.  Won’t you at least hear me out?”

“Fine.  Explain yourself during dinner.”

So they ate, and she remained utterly silent.  At least she’d been correct about one thing; she could cook steak fairly well.  Or in this case, rare.  After that, they watched TV in silence.  The nightly news came to a close and Hope clicked off the program. For someone who had demanded something from him, it was only fair that she responded to his request.

“Anytime now, Light, otherwise I’m going to bed.”

Lightning squirmed on the leather couch.  “I can’t get laid.”

He raised one eyebrow.  “I don’t believe that for a damn second.  You’re the Savior.  You bring up that factoid in a bar and men would be throwing themselves at you.”

“That’s the problem.” She stretched her limbs like a housecat.  “It’s all hero worship.  I take them home, and then as soon as it’s go time.  Nothing.  They consistently freak out and start confessing their sins.  I originally thought the first guy was an anomaly, but it happens every time.  I only attract the weirdos.”

“Hire a professional,” Hope said, shoving her legs off his lap.

“You think I haven’t tried that?  I specifically asked for the nastiest guy they had… not because that’s what I’m into.  Only because I thought he wouldn’t panic.  He’d push through it, but no.  That man was a sweetheart.  Apparently he was working as an escort because it paid the best.  He was trying to put his little sister through school.  The nastier he is, the better women pay.”  Lightning sighed.  “He was most upset that his sister had no idea what his career was.  Apparently she’s extremely religious and even attends a faith based university.”

“Did you tip him well?” Hope asked.

“I tried.  But he refused, saying that his spirit felt cleansed and that was worth more than money.”  She crossed her legs and turned to Hope.  “So, are you running into this problem?  Are women putting out?”

He laughed and sunk farther into the couch, looking up at the ceiling.  “I’m sick of sex.  I haven’t gotten any since Bhunivelze took me.  Even those last years were just a longstanding fuck buddy arrangement.”

Lightning furrowed her eyebrows.  “How can you talk to me like that?  Sick of sex?  I’m bursting with need here and you haven’t even tried in over a century.”

“Light, I lived centuries before that.  Believe me; I’ve tried almost everything under the sun.  At some point, you just get tired.  There is no magic, no spark.  It becomes a chore that you rather ignore.  Like laundry.”

“What do you mean almost everything?”  Lightning straddled his lap so she could look into his eyes.

“I didn’t do drugs.  I wanted to always have control of my faculties.  Consent was a big deal to me.  Cosmic joke when you consider the 169 years of kidnap and torture.”  He rolled his eyes.

“So you did everything else.  Like, everything?”  Lightning blushed, curiosity getting the better of her.

“There is a lot of ‘everything’ out there.  You need to be more specific.  I’ve tried a variety of kinks.  To be honest I’m not that big a fan.  I’m the most vanilla guy out there.  Sorry to disappoint.”

“Have you ever slept with a guy?”

Hope laughed again, bouncing her a little in the process.  He wrapped his arms around her waist to steady her.

“Would you believe me if I told you that fuck-buddy situation was with Snow?”

This was her turn to laugh; she placed a hand on his shoulders to keep her balance.

“That explains the underwear.”  She noticed Hope’s confused expression.  “I went over to their place one afternoon.  Serah was folding laundry and I helped while we talked.  I ran into this pair of panties with a big hole in the front.”  She formed her hand into an O shape.  “She ripped them away from me.  I only later found out that it was a harness.”  Her eyes widened.  “You aren’t still in love with him are you?”

“Your brother-in-law is safe in the arms of his wife.  We weren’t involved emotionally.  Unlike me, he wasn’t willing to taste the fruits of the earth.  He is extremely attached to Serah in an unhealthy way.  She isn’t the only thing you have in common either.  He came to me one night and asked me to fuck him.  So I did.  Every time it would end with him needlessly crying and forcing me to endure pillow talk.  Half the time I wanted to smother him.  If anyone is happier than you for Serah’s rebirth, it’s me.”

Lightning playfully ran a finger down the length of his nose.  “So are you only into men?  Is that why you won’t humor me?”

“No.  I like men and women equally.  Thank Snow for that revelation.  I was about 60 by the time he propositioned me.  I would have never known otherwise.”  Hope smirked.  “Odd to think that we’ve slept together more than he and Serah have.”

Lighting began to grind herself on Hope’s lap.  She leaned in and placed forceful kisses on his lips.  He pulled at her hair and shoved his tongue into her mouth.  Then he pulled back.

“Go home, Light,” he said cradling her cheek in his palm.  “I’ve had enough of mutilating my friendships.”

A hint of sadness filled his eyes.  He desperately hoped that Light wouldn’t notice.  It wasn’t the act of sex alone that had left him empty.  It was time itself.  Decades of never quite finding someone.  Lovers came and went, but no one with whom he wanted to spend the rest of their seemingly endless lives.  Forever had been filled with impermanence.

The reason he let Snow cry was because he couldn’t himself.  That man had found a soulmate, yet Hope had tried and come up blank.  Snow had been his closest companion, and now he had no one.  In his own sad way, he had almost loved the man.  Not in a romantic sense, but with empathy and regret.

Even in this new world, with lives reborn from the hundreds of years during his travels, he couldn’t find someone.  He didn’t know quite what he was looking for, but he already knew she wouldn’t exist.

A child soldier, a brilliant scientist, a leader of man.  These things didn’t correlate, rare that even two would intersect.  He was a freak of nature, meant to become a god.  He existed outside of humanity’s rules.  Even Bhunivelze couldn’t build a goddess to pair with him, what good was it to wish?

He planned on living out his life, and then perhaps Yuel might be kind enough to grant him a new one.   Even if she didn’t, his mistakes had been grand enough to warrant his unhappiness.  God of Light?  A misnomer if there ever were one.  He felt like the bringer of disappointment and disaster.  Maybe he didn’t deserve love.

Lightning’s hands slid around his neck.  She gently rested her forehead to his. 

“I’m sorry.”

He found it an odd sentiment from her.  What did she have to be sorry about?  He’d just admitted to sleeping with all of Nova Chrysalia, and yet he wouldn’t grant her the one thing she needed.  How hard could it be really, to pacify her for one night?

She left.

* * *

 

She visited for dinner every night that week.  He didn’t move, he didn’t change the locks, and he didn’t get a guard dog.

She visited every day after.

* * *

 

Soon Hope’s house was full of her clothing and toiletries.  He wasn’t even sure that she returned to her home anymore.  She filled his fridge with her groceries.  Endless stacks of meat tried to burst free of his freezer whenever he grabbed an ice tray.

“Please tell me you aren’t still paying rent on your apartment,” he said, brushing his teeth one evening.

“Of course I am.”  Lightning reached past him into the medicine cabinet.

“When was the last time you set foot in there?” He spat into the sink.

“About two months ago.  I needed to fetch my menstrual cup.”  She pointed at the silicone item on the shelf.

“Which is now here, like the rest of your things.”  He rinsed his mouth.  “If you insist on living with me, you need to stop wasting your money like that.  A place you’ve ignored for two months is hardly home.”

Her face flushed.  Was she not aware they were living together?  She acted like he’d just sprung horrible news.  Or that he’d caught her in the act.

“I was worried you were going to throw me out.  So I kept the apartment.”

“Why the hell would I kick you out?  Even if I lock the door, you’d break in anyway.”

“You don’t get it do you?”  Lightning rinsed her own mouth.  “The more time we spend together it should be obvious.”

“You need to be explicit with me.  If you still want no strings attached sex, I can’t.  You’ve made that impossible.”

“That’s not what I want at all.” She rose on the balls of her feet to kiss him.  “I want to be with you.”  This time she grasped at his neck while she ran her lips across his.  “I know you don’t want this from me.  But I can’t just be your friend anymore.  Even if I’m the one to ruin our friendship, I can’t go on like this.”

He gripped at the backs of her thighs and lifted her onto the countertop.  He pulled off her pajama top.  If this was what she needed, he’d give in.  He could always chuck her out afterwards.  His hands cradled her small breasts as they kissed.  She shivered from the cold of the bathroom.  He ripped off his own shirt and pressed their chests together.  Maybe his body heat would be enough to warm her.

His hands traveled along her waist and he felt goosebumps race across her skin.  Breaking their kiss, he leaned past the toilet to turn on the shower.  She bit her lip and then stood to pull off her bottoms.  Oh.  He’d just meant to raise the temperature of the room.  Shower sex it was.

He pulled down his pajama pants and was surprised to see an erection there.  He hadn’t felt genuine arousal since he’d awoken in the new world.  He’d actually thought that sex had become an impossibility for him.  Guess not.

She gripped at the curtain and peeked at him, waiting for him to join her.  Little rivulets of water dripped from her hair onto the tiled flooring.  By the time he climbed in, she had poured shampoo into her hands.  She started scrubbing at his scalp.

“What are you doing?” He chuckled and wiped a handful of suds from his head.

He placed the bubbles on the top of her hair and started working it in.  It wasn’t enough, so he squirted a blob of shampoo straight onto her head.  With her hair nice and frothy, he started reshaping it into intricate hairdos.  She even began to laugh when he carefully pinched her bangs into a crescent moon on her forehead.  He was a bit of a perfectionist and finagled with it a little too long.  She leaned back into the stream and washed away his hard work.

“I love how ridiculous you are,” she said, forming his hair into a mohawk.

“Huh.” His hands dropped away from applying conditioner to her locks.

He leaned forward, bracing his forearms against the shower wall.  “What did you say?”

Soap ran into his eyes as he was in direct line of the water.  Her hands still in his hair, she pulled him close.

“I love you,” she whispered against his lips.

He gave her delicate lingering kisses.  He sucked at her lips and gently bit into the soft flesh.  His hands traced the curves of her body.  Her shoulders, her hips, her inner elbows.  He wanted to feel all of her, not just the parts that would get her off.  The longer he stroked, teased, touched, he realized this experience was just as much for him.

The water began to run cold and her teeth chattered.  He loaded her loofah with soap and gave each of them a cursory wipe down.  They each shook like wet dogs under the cold water.  When he turned off the faucet, she reached for the towel off the rod.

She dried first.  He applied lotion to her limbs while she dragged the damp towel across his frame.  The lotion gave his fingers slip that the water hadn’t.  He was fascinated by the way his digits sank into her skin, yet left no mark.  He continued massaging at her body long after she’d finished drying him.  He then threw her over his shoulder and absconded with her to his bedroom.

They climbed under the comforter, trying to warm the sheets and themselves.  Her lips kissed winding trails across his body.  They both fell asleep after doing nothing more.  He in the normal position, she curled up like a cat against his thigh.

* * *

 

This became their nightly routine.  Showering, kissing, fondling, but never fucking.

* * *

 

They did this for weeks without interruption.  One night, Lightning sat up midsession.

“I need to go to my room for 10 minutes.  I’ll be right back.”

Hope looked at her questioningly.  Had their routine becoming boring to her?  Perhaps she had grown tired with him, like a young man with a younger lover unwilling to put out.

“This is just as much your room as it is mine.  Is there a program you’re missing or something?”  He glanced at the bedside clock then reached for the TV remote.

“No.”  She wriggled under the covers, and then threw them off herself entirely.  “I just need to be alone.  10 minutes max.  Or maybe even 5.  I can make this extremely fast.  Don’t make me spell it out.”

“You need to use the restroom?”  Hope asked.

“No.  Damn it, Hope.  I need to masturbate.  Once we get home we spend every second together.  I don’t have the chance, so I’ve been rubbing them out at work in the bathroom.”  She winced in embarrassment.  “But I didn’t have the opportunity today.  The way you’ve been touching me has been driving me crazy.  So if I plan on getting any sleep tonight, I really need to cum.  And it would be nice to do it in the comfort of my own bed.”

He kissed at her neck and ran his hand along her thigh.  “This is your bed.”  He got up.  “I’ll be in the living room.  Call for me when you’re done.”

Her hand clasped his.  “If it’s our bed, then I want you to stay.  I’m not asking for your participation.  I just want you here while I do it.  Only if you want to, though.”

They both crawled back under the covers.  She pulled the blankets up to her nose and made sure to fluff them creating a barrier.  Hope lay awkwardly to her side.  The blankets wove and settled.  He could see the general shape of her, with her knees pulled up creating a tiny mountain.  There was slight fluttering where her hand gripped at her breast.  The comforter moved gently where her other hand gave her vulva the attention it needed.

He could feel the temperature around him rise; he stuck a leg out to try and cool off.  She silently kept at her ministrations. 

“You don’t have to be quiet.  This is your house, Light.”

Instantly she began grunting, muffled by the blanket over her mouth.  He’d heard many men and women reach climax, but he was surprised by how animalistic she sounded.  She really had little sense of shame.  As her grunts became shallow gasps, the mountains of her knees dropped and blended into the terrain of the comforter.

“Thank you,” she murmured.

She sought out his hand with her clean one.  They lay there in a platonic hand-hold before she left to clean up in the restroom.

* * *

 

Their routine now had an addition.  Showering, fondling, masturbating, but still never fucking.

* * *

 

Some days Lightning would use her hands, others she would pull a vibrator out of her nightstand.  After a week, she’d given up covering herself with the blanket.  She would lie out in the open, and Hope would watch her with scientific interest.  Eventually he started lying at the foot of the bed, face directed at her cunt.  He was most fascinated by her choice of vibrators.  She had a small bullet one that she used on her clitoris.  The closer she’d get to climax, the tighter she would pull against the flesh of her mons.  Even though the toy by design was meant to move, she’d still rub it lengthwise along her clit and its shaft.  Her body would tense and she regularly almost kicked him with an involuntary jerk.

She used her large phallic vibrator differently.  Slowly rocking it in and out, she’d lazily come to orgasm.  Her moans were soft and breathy.

He was surprised by how much he enjoyed watching her.  If he were bored of sex, then he’d been bored of porn since his youth.  Yet, he could stare at Lightning every evening and nothing about it grew old.  If anything, it made him slightly hungry.

One night, with only her hand in use, she struggled to cum.  They’d been there for a considerable time and nothing had happened.  She was soaking in sweat and she’d occasionally shake out her wrist.  Hope scooted his way up the bed until his face was hovering above her labia.

“Do you need any help?” he asked, not waiting for an answer.

His tongue slid along the folds, and he heard her release an unfamiliar groan.  He used his nose to separate her cunt, working his way around trying to locate her clit.  He’d seen it a second ago, but working blind was harder than he remembered it.  He had to wrap his arm around her leg and reach down from the front to expose the organ.

Once he found it, he slowly lapped at her clitoris.  Since she’d been playing with herself, her genitalia were significantly swollen.  He didn’t have to do any heavy lifting to maneuver the skin of her hood.  She moaned and bucked into his face.  He took this as good sign.  He moved his tongue quickly from side to side.  She curled up and pulled at his hair.  When he started sucking and releasing she clamped her legs around his neck.  A variety of expletives along with his name kept tumbling out of her mouth between grunts.  He worried that he might die from suffocation, but he kept working her until she finally came.

* * *

 

So their nightly routine now had variation.  Showering, fondling, masturbating/oral.  No fucking.   He didn’t consider it anything more than an act of generosity.

* * *

 

He found himself extremely generous.  When Lightning got her period, he went down on her several times a day.

“Cramps getting to you?  Let me fix that.”

He would pick her up and walk her either to the couch or the bedroom.  With her increased sensitivity, he would let her cum twice.  It wasn’t a hassle; the same amount of time was wasted.

She couldn’t even walk in the door without him picking her up.  Her exhaustion was no longer just from iron depletion.  For a man with little interest in sex, he thought her libido was endless.

* * *

 

During one particular cycle, Hope developed a crick in his neck.  He had been licking the skin between Lightning’s leg and her labia when he’d let out a soft yelp of pain.

“You okay?”  She scooted back so she could look at him.

“I’m sorry.  I don’t think I can move.”  He had his face planted into the mattress.  “Leave me here to die in shame.”

She laughed.  Of course it was expected that he’d hurt himself.  He wasn’t used to exercise, much less straining such specific muscles.  He’d overworked himself for a reason he couldn’t suss out.  He’d called the feeling hunger.  Though, that wasn’t quite right.  The feeling had been an aching for fulfillment.  Was this desire?  He couldn’t even remember what that felt like.  He had spent so many years throwing his nights away to a hedonistic lifestyle.  Yet those memories came back absent of emotion.  He’d surely liked it at the time.  Now he had nothing to reference this with.

All of his emotions had been that way upon his rebirth.  He had never discussed it with anyone, because the only one who could possibly understand was Lightning.  Yet she had only been devoid of feeling for 13 days.  Hardly a sneeze compared to him.  The first time he bit into a rotted pear, he hadn’t even noticed.  Taste took him a good two weeks to discern.  Even now, when trying new foods he’d think “is this bitter or is this sweet?”

The first time Lightning had asked for sex, he’d felt nothing.  Kissing her that night had been a muscle memory.  Yet after living with her, he kept wondering how it was supposed to have felt.  So when she’d come on to him the second time, he’d half accepted out of curiosity.  His understanding of companionship newly honed; he realized that he enjoyed kissing her.  Immensely.  He wanted to kiss her every day.

The first time he’d touched her sex with his mouth, he’d felt an explosion in his mind.  She would never sound as happy as she did right then.  He wanted to keep her that way.  He wanted to keep her.

He knew, or least assumed, that sex would make her happiest.  But he still wasn’t ready.  He needed to be sure that it would make _him_ feel something.  What if he felt nothing and she continued to expect it of him, partaking in something that left him just as confused as the pear?

He felt cold lotion drizzle onto his neck.  She was straddling his back, preparing to massage him.

“Hope.  You don’t have to push yourself so hard.”  Her fingers dug into his shoulders.

“I wouldn’t do it if it weren’t fun for me.”  He reached a hand around placed it on top of hers.  “What kind of boyfriend would I be if I can’t do even this?”

She sat perfectly still.  “Boyfriend?”

Oh god.  Did he have their entire relationship wrong?  Sure he couldn’t understand a lot of things, but he thought he was smart enough for this.  They’d lived together for months at this point, several in the same bedroom.

“I take it we’re not a couple,” he said, his body shaking her as he began to heave.

She lay on top of him, pressing her cheek between his shoulder blades.  “We definitely are.  I just had never heard you acknowledge it before.  I told you I loved you didn’t I?  Which is why you needn’t hurt yourself.  We both know I can take care of myself.”  She kissed the back of his head and resumed her massage.  “And that you like to watch.”

He laughed quietly.  “Anyone would love to watch you.  However, I think I might be ready to touch you.”

“You touch me every day.”

“I mean as in touch you sexually.  When I ate you out the first time, it had been on impulse.  I’m still not ready for sex.  But I’m sure that I want to touch you in other ways.”  He felt uncharacteristically embarrassed.

“God, I love you.  Usually fingering comes first.  You do shit completely out of order and still manage to be embarrassed.” She poked at his red cheeks.

After she finished the massage, she arranged their pillows to comfortably cradle his neck.  Then they slept.

The next morning they climbed in the shower before work.  While he washed her body, he looked down and noticed a faint pink tinge to the water.

“My cup must have lost its seal.  Would you mind turning around while I dump it?” she said, swiveling him towards the far wall.

He spun around once she gave the go ahead.  She still had her leg balanced on the tub rim.  She placed the rinsed the cup on the clean soap holder.  He placed his chest to her back and ran his hand along the inside of her propped thigh.  His hand kept traveling until his fingers teased at her vulva.

“Hope.  You’re going to get dirty.”  She reached behind her and grabbed the back of his head.

“You think I’m scared of a little blood?” He kissed at her neck.

His sensitive fingertips took in the satin like texture of her labia minora.  He gently squeezed at her breast, tugging at her nipple.  After the first shower, he’d always just treated her breasts as any other part of her.  A length of swollen skin not unlike her calf.  She had appreciated that he treated all of her body equally.  She’d never expected more from him, so when he focused on her in this new way she leaned back into him.

She redistributed her weight, placing the bulk of it on his upper chest.  This way she could arch her back and lift her pelvis.  When two of his fingers dipped into her cunt, she gasped.  She threw her arms around his neck, relying completely on him to support her.  Standing on the balls of her feet, she flexed her toes in pleasure.

Rocking his palm against her clit, he pumped his fingers slowly.  It was the gentle way he’d seen her use her toys.  He doubted she wanted some showy frenetic finger fucking.  He hadn’t wanted that either.  This was the first time he’d been inside her.  This was his opportunity to explore.

They lazily connected beneath the hot water.  He could feel the shudders flit across her body as she closed in climax.  Suddenly she stood up and let go of him.

“Huh?” he mouthed.

His question wasn’t necessary, because she’d spun around and covered his mouth with hers.  She fixed her fingers into his wet hair as he resumed fingering her.  She leaned against the shower wall and wrapped one of her legs around his.  As she kissed and thrust against him, he wondered if this was the moment.  Never had he been so comfortable with someone.  He slid his fingers out.

“Light.  Is it okay if I?”

“Anything.  I’m ok with anything as long as it’s you.”

He took his erection in his hand and slipped it into her.  Her entire person shuddered in surprise.  She took in shallow breaths adjusting to his size.  When he looked at her face, her eyes shone with delight.  He gripped at her waist and pulled her against him.  She braced her arms against the wall and pushed back into him.  Hope was grateful that she had purchased a hideous non-slip mat for the tub; otherwise the force of their fucking would have knocked them over.

Their first time wasn’t beautiful by any means.  They rapidly banged their bodies into one another, begging for release.  Lightning had lost her balance and almost hit her head on the faucet.  Hope had thankfully caught her.  They then clung to each other, with him gripping onto the soap dish for stability.

She came first, and then she pushed through the post orgasm sensitivity.  They kept going until he climaxed.  He had been so unused to the sensation that he couldn’t stop shaking.  She had to stand up and support him.  As his breathing became erratic, she kindly reminded him he’d be fine.  They both sunk down into the tub, sitting facing one another.  Finally calm, he pulled his knees to his chest.

“You ok?” she said, tapping his toe with hers.

“I like sex.”  He furrowed his eyebrows.

“I’d say so.” She reached behind her and turned off the shower.

“I think it’s because it was with you.”

She raised her eyebrows and rested her chin on her knees.  “Care to explain, Mr. Snow’s-my-booty-call?”

“We’re partners, but I haven’t been forthright.  You know how you have…how should I put this… Savior residue?  Well so do I.  When He wiped me of my feelings, I stayed that way.  Even now I don’t understand what the hell umami is.”

“No one knows umami.  Well maybe I do.  I’m a meat expert.”

“I have all these memories and none of them have any emotion behind them.  I feel like a child because I have no idea about my own likes and dislikes.  But the more time I spend with you, the more things I want to taste and try.  Only,” he said biting into his knuckles, “I don’t know if I’m just imprinting on you.”

She gave him a heartbroken smile.

“I know you love me.  I want to love you back, but I just don’t know what that feels like yet.”  He tucked his head into his knees.  “So I can’t be expecting all of this from you.  But everything you do, I want it so badly.  I want to kiss you.  I want to touch you.  And now, god damn it fuckin’ shit mother fucker, I want to have sex with you.  Again, like right this second.  Refractory period be damned.”

She ruffled his tangled wet hair.  “It’s ok.  I have all the time in the world, Hope.  When you do work things out, I’ll be there for your answer.  Even if that means you want someone else.”

“But I don’t want to do it with anyone else.”

He struggled trying to find the proper words.  This entire scenario really was dependent on her.  He knew that he was considerably more attractive than the average man.  If that meant he were vain, so be it.  The women at work had hit on him continuously.  The same went for men and women he met around town.  In his old life, he would have easily accepted their advances. Yet, he felt nothing for any of those people.

Truthfully, it had never occurred to him that Lightning was equally as beautiful.  He’d only begun to notice when she forced her way into his life.  Like a virus she rapidly infected his thoughts.  They’d been discussing a horrid trash novel she had been reading when he noticed the way her cheeks reddened in his gaze.  When she had forced down the disgusting fish soup he’d made, he’d noticed the curves of her fingers cradling the spoon.  And when she’d told him she loved him, he’d finally noticed she was stunning.

She stood up.  “As for the sex thing, I’m incredibly sore right now.”  She folded her cup and popped it back in.  “And we are both late for work.”

* * *

 

Hope always arrived home first from work.  The second he heard her key in the lock, he’d rush to ambush her.  Their new routine had an addition of sex in the doorway every day.  Then they would go about their evenings.  It got to the point that there was now a pile of pillows by their shoes at the entrance.  His back couldn’t take lying flat against the hardwood.  A sane person might have waited till Lightning entered the house fully, and guided her to appropriate furniture.

* * *

 

They’d been fooling around one afternoon when Lightning’s phone went off with Serah’s ringtone.

“I should probably get that,” Lightning said with agitation.

Hope shrugged and resumed trailing kisses down her abdomen.  He lifted her legs over his shoulders.  Once he began licking, she dropped the phone.  Serah was persistent.  The phone rang for three complete cycles before Lightning rolled away from him to answer it.

“Their plumbing burst.  The whole house is flooded.  The repairman is already there, but they are going to have to spend the night here.”  She blew air through her teeth.  “They’ll be here in ten minutes.”

“I can finish in ten minutes.”  He crawled toward her.

“Nothing with you is ten minutes.  Quickie is nowhere in your repertoire.  We should probably get dressed.”

The house had become a clothing optional zone.  Actually it was a no clothing zone.  How Snow became the patron of Yusnaan instead of Hope was a question Lightning voiced regularly.  He always laughed, stating that his nudist lifestyle was a new thing.  He’d never had a long term partner like her, so he’d never felt the need to always be at the ready.  She could always wear clothing if she wanted to.  She’d laughed in his face claiming the same excuse.

“What does one even wear around the house?  Do I own casual clothes?” he said, eyeing a questionable pair of sweatpants.

When the doorbell rang, they awkwardly ran to the door in tandem.  Just as he undid the deadbolt, she started frantically shoving things under the couch.  Their work clothes had been scattered in the entryway as always.  A coat forgotten on the floor might be normal.  All of their underwear would not.

“I hear you’ve run into bad luck Snow,” Hope said, letting them in.  “We’re happy to have you.”

Serah peeked around her husband.  “Wow, this place looks more lived in than the last time I came.  How have you not invited me since you moved in, Lightning?”

“We’re private people.”  Lightning crossed her arms.

Serah tried to cut around Snow, but stumbled on the pillows.  “What’re these about?”

“We sit on them to tie our shoes.”  Hope said, noticing Lightning roll her eyes.

“That’s a neat idea,” Serah said feigning interest.  “Ooh, this one has a cool pattern.”

When she lifted up the turquoise pillow, a pair of Lightning’s used panties fell off the bottom.  Snow bent over in laughter.

“Shoes?”  Snow just kept laughing.

Serah threw the pillow back down, trying to cover the underpants.  The pillow just bounced away, and the thong fluttered onto her shoe.  She kicked it, but it remained airborne only briefly.  The lace easily caught on the corduroy of Snow’s pants.  Then the man started jerking his leg trying to shake it off.  Hope plucked the offending garment and stuck it in his pocket.

“It’s just underwear.  It’s not like I haven’t seen Serah’s harness,” Lightning said, glaring at her brother-in-law.

The man looked between the two women.  His wife shrugged and started walking around the room to investigate.  Strangely, the collective embarrassment had helped relieve the tension.  The rest of the day flew by uneventfully.

Trying to be respectful of their guests, Hope and Lightning kept giving each other longing glances.  They hadn’t fucked since the morning.  Now they didn’t even have the option of showering together.  Well, they could have, but they had to share the hot water between the four of them.  It was rare the day the two of them finished before it ran cold.

Wearing pajamas for the first time in months, they bid their guests good night and returned to their bedroom.  Though they doubted Snow or Serah would interrupt them, they locked the door.  They ripped off their clothes, buttons flying.

“I haven’t been this horny since I first moved in,” Lightning said, leading Hope to the bed.  “It’s only been a few hours.  That can’t be healthy.”

Hope lay down and pulled her on top of him.  “Likewise.”

Just having someone else in the house caused an extra level of excitement between them.  It was like trying to quickly fuck your college girlfriend while your roommate slept a few yards away.  Lightning rode his face, trying to cum quickly.  She clung onto their bedframe as she let the orgasm wash over her.  With the strongest one out of the way, she’d be more patient as they tried to silently have sex.

They had tried a variety of positions that night.  She always surprised him with her enjoyment of being taken from behind.  She loved how he’d always have his fingers on her clit.  He was not always as thorough in other arrangements.

They finished off the night in missionary, languidly slapping their privates together.  They were both sweaty and exhausted, but neither wanted to call it quits.  Finally out of steam, Hope flopped limply on top of her.

“I don’t think I have any more in me,” he said, panting into her chest.

“Roll over.  I’m not wasting a hard dick,” she said patting him on the back.

They maneuvered so that she could climb on top.  He supported her as she rocked back and forth drowsily.  He wasn’t sure he could stay awake much longer so he reached over to his nightstand.  He pulled out a vibe and placed it where her body met his.  When she came she moaned rather loudly.  She chuckled as she dismounted and lay beside him.

“I can’t believe I forgot how hard it is to be quiet.”

He gave her a quick peck.  “I guess we’ll have to practice for when we have kids.”

“What?”  She sat straight up.

He shoved several pillows behind his head.  “You don’t want kids?”

“I definitely do.” She craned over him so she could look closely at his expression.  “I didn’t know that you did.  Much less with me.”

“I spent a millennium trying to find someone to spend my life with and falling short.  It’s only obvious to me now.  I was never going to, since you weren’t there.  I love you.”  He craned his neck to kiss her, but she pulled back.

“Are you sure?”

“I still don’t get umami, but to be fair I don’t think I did before either.  Things flood back to me daily.  And Light, this is the first time I’ve felt this way about anyone.  It’s been a blessing in disguise.   If I had awoken as the old Hope, I doubt I would have put any validity into what’s happening between us.  Boxing it away with all of the other things that I thought would amount to nothing.”

He sat up, with her perched in his lap.

“I want to spend the rest of my life with you, and all my lives after.”

**Author's Note:**

> I randomly banged this out this week. I thought I might as well post it, before I wussed out and left it to die on my hard drive.
> 
> No regrets.
> 
> Dork Alert--- This thing was divided into 13 sections.


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